Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
