If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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