Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
