Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
