I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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