They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
