I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
