I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have demons in me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
