so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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