Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
