The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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