I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
