So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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