Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize