she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
