At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
