Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
