Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
where are my eyebrows?
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