Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
