so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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