I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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