It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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