My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
