I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
