I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
