His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
