Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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