I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
