were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
