exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just cropdusted the office
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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