So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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