And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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