I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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