so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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