I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
