guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
