i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
