He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
