just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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