before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
