Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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