I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize