All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
