he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
