I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The power of my boobs compel you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
