Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
two words...techno handjob
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
