I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
BRING THE BAGELS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize