goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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