We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
