Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
