I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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