Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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