If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
