I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
