i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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