Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize