Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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