happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize