my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
