I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
