U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I die, sorry about rent.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
