come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize