My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
