I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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