I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
