.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
