I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
