Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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