I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
