At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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