I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
