Best friends brother. Beat that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
