Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
