Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
