When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize