if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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