He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
