Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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