hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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