she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
