I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
