Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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